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    I must be at a funny, wierd age in life. I feel grown up, I feel old. I can get tired from working, want to stay in instead of going out. I feel young, I am in my early twenties. I’ve discovered I still hold the capacity to feel like a 14 year old when it comes to boys and flirting. But do I feel 24? What does that feel like?

This is so strange, how old am I? How real is our biological age? Can one define people by their age? I once met these guys who thought boys and girls at 23 were on the exact same level. How can anyone claim such a thing, when age seems to me to be strictly a mental issue. A 18 year old can act 25, a 26 year old can act 19… Of course there is the whole spectre of life experience, but then again, who is to say that a 25 year old has experienced more than a 19 year old?

With age, I stopped relating to age, only to discover that appearantly I hold all ages in myself. But that is ok. As long as I don’t grow old, and stay only old, and nothing else.  

    So, summer is almost over. My blogging has been very unfrequent, sorry about that.

As usual, I have spent my summer at the hospital  as a secretary. As usual, the rain has been pouring down almost every day. Still, days have been good, my friends are great and life in general is quite uncomplicated.

Only two weeks left at work, then I am of to France for some well deserved vacation (well deserved in my opinion at least! hehe).

Hope you all have a wonderful summer.  Enjoy what is left of it! I sure will  

    It is the strangest feeling, when everything just seems to be smooth sailing.

Exams are over, appartments are shifted and my living situation has improved drastically, work is fun for a change,… there is not a single obstacle in my horizon.

It feels strange. Good… and ofcourse, as the restless soul I am, I am starting to get bored. But then, bored might be a good thing. It slows down the pace of actions and gives me more time to reflect and prioritize things in an order I prefer myself. And not the order preferred by others.

Maybe I have just been able to take complete control over my own life. Maybe I’ve become self sentered? It is hard to tell. Either way, it feels good. But can’t help but wondering, if this keeps up, will I get so bored that I start to create obstacles and drama for myself? Do we only move forward when overcoming obstacles? Is smooth sailing the same as standing still? Time will show, and I look forward to finding out.Will keep you all posted

    I came to a crossroad, one very important one. And I’ve decided that as much as it sucks taking important descisions, especially ones that are "rational", they make life way easier once they are made. Hopfully I chose the road less blurry and straight forward. Summer is now looking like smooth sailing, which might be just what I need

    So I got to experience New York for the first time. With great success I might add. Ever felt like you were in a movie? That’s how it felt being in New York. Even though I like to think of myself as an urban city girl, I realise I am not. All these tall buildings, all the people and all the traffic! I gather now that I really do come from a small village. The city becomes immense!

The apple thing I didn’t quite get. What’s with the apple? Is it beacuse it is supposed to be the core of the world?

The melting-pot thing I understood though. And I loved it! It’s like a miniature version of the whole world, people placed in a monter made of tall buildings and sprinkled with capitalisms up- and downsides. I decided New York is a fun and challenging place to be. Allthough I imagine it being more fun for the rich than the poor. And perhaps more challenging for the poor than for the rich? Yes, that sounds like an average cut-out of the world. It had the good and the bad all at one place. The joint communities of different cultures, I am glad to see it is possible. The extreemes of materialism that comes with it, I am not sure I like it that much.  

No matter what one thinks of the city though, I understand the obsessions over it. It really must be one of a kind. And I glad I got to experience it! 

    In the words of the great Bob Marley: Sun is shining, weather is sweet. Makes me wanna move, my dancing feet….

Really, there is something very special happening in the city of Bergen when the sun decides to appear on the sky. It is like a refreshing breath of calm. People stop running, stress seems distant, smiles and tan replaces the normaly grey faces one sees. And then you discover that this is the real pace of life. This is how it should be. Time should first and foremost be spent in a park with friends, it shouldn’t be a rarety but rather a habit. 

In the rain and the dark small problems grow big. In the sun big problems are trivialised and put to rest with laughs in the park.

Is this a world wide phenomanea? Or is it something specific to the town of Bergen? Where the sun almost never shines, but when it does, we sure know how to make the best of it! Sometimes I wonder if maybe we are descendents of the south american azteks, we both worship the sun as the greatest source of life.

 Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go outside and drink coffee in the sun. Every other task seems trivial to me at the moment

    Some days in life is meant for soul searching I think. Times when one should look into oneself and reconsider latest actions and thoughts. Sometimes this makes me happy, I discover good things in myself. Other days are worse, when I find that there are things I am not happy with at all. Things that needs to be changed and altered, which is not always an easy task. Today has been one of those days. And they drain my energy. How does one alter oneself? Not in the sense that I’ll be changing personality, but if you discover that people sees you differently then what you thought, something needs to be changed. How to go about it I still don’t know. But I know this, it is one of the most valuable things when one is able to develop oneself. And I hope to get to know myself in the process.

    Somehow I feel like the 90s are back. It might be due to the fact that I keep hearing nirvana and 2pac everywhere I go. Or is it because baggy jeans and leg-warmers are coming back. (or was leg-warmers more 80s? hm… I’m thinking of buffalo shoes combined with leggies,… leg-warmers every decade?!) .. hm..disturbing in a way. anyways.

There is something in the air, and I think it must be some sort of nostalgia. We are growing up, we are becoming adults, people around us seem to become more and more established. Kids, marriage, owning their own appartements…. My impression is, that somewhere along the line, people start to look backwards, instead of forward. Why? Cause the future is SCARY! (as you might have figured by now, this is all a part of my odd new-found exsitential crisis). If something is scary, frightening, uncertain, one tends to look back towards the safe and known. The good old days when your biggest worry was that some guy would find out that you liked him, or what to wear on the class-picture. And for our generation (those of you under 30! ) , I guess this safeness is felt by the sound of nirvana, 2pac and all that comes with..  Ah… the sight of Buffalo shoues! I can just feel the warmth of my youth! OH.. Wait… horrid memories of junior high! argh! The infamous 14 years old! take the bad memories away! far far away! …

We want to stay in our youth, it only normal I guess. Is it because we are afraid? Do we not want to grow up at all? Are we not a strong generation?

Or is it more an urge to bring the best from our past in to our present and future? Isn’t that really what post-modernism is all about? The eclectic fusion vibes of past and future at once?

I must honestly say I don’t know. Sometimes, when I talk to people, it seems as if they are just stuck in the 90’s. With no way out, no emergency exit. And sometimes I guess I wish I could, but then again, with so many things happening  in the 2000ds to come… who would want to miss that!

Therefore, I have decided to embrace my future. Take it in with open arms. That doesn’t mean that I will forget Nirvana, I never will, but it means that I am now ready to face my future head on! I’m not afraid! I’ve shaken of the 90’s… now lets see what lies ahead!

    My first time in Stockholm, it is winter, yet there was no stockholm snow in sight. Wind though, that was plentiful!

I have discoverd my need to find these small spaces/places where I can unwind, find focus, or let go of focus. I like to think of these places as small "paradise pockets". Places that only belongs to you, and no-one else. Even though it might be situated in the middle of a crowded area.

My first little paradise was this heavenly spot, right next to our cabin. Not much was there, a brook, some big rocks to sit on and a couple of birchtrees. Whatever went on in my world (allthough my world was quite small at the time), this place was where I could go and be on my own.. Safe and undisturbed.

Later in my life, I have found more and more of these places. Sometimes they are in a particular chair in a coffehouse, sometimes they will be over a bigger space, for example a certain area, or a block in a city, or in a park etc.. Some places are good to have when one is sad, and wants to be alone. Other places are great if I just want to take a deep breath and disconnect from stress and hassle. Or if it’s just simply a day that is best spent observing other people walking or running by. Each place has its own charm.

Well, in Stockholm I discovered yet another one of these places. And I like to find them when I travel, because then, when I think of a city I have visited, all I have to do is think back to this spot I found, and then I recall the feelings I had at the time being and atmosphere of it all. My new spot: hurry curry in the city of stockholm. Here, I found a space where I could connect images and feelings from my memories of India, with my current life. I guess one can say it brought some pieces of me closer to other pieces of me. It was a good place for disconnecting "real life" for some hours.

 I enjoy these spaces in life. Awerness of them is an important part of being self-reflecting. That is something I want to hold on to.

    sometimes a day is just filled with random sights. I find sometimes the music on my ipod makes it easier or harder to notice the people i pass on my way. But today it must have been music that makes me notice the world, or specific parts of it anyways. (Edith Piaf )

So, this is what I saw today:

A guy standing in the middle of a big empty parkinglot, at 9am in the morning, reading the newspaper… Right in the middle! And it was cold outside… anyways… random

 Then, this guy at the food store, an old man in his 70s, he bought dishwashing soap, wc cleaner, and then ONE 0.33 beer. Random buy….

Edit Piaf sure gives a different view on an old route from house to school. Much needed these days