innblikk

    Those of you who knows me well, also knows my organizing obsessiveness. Seldomly do I take part in activities that are not carefully noted in my ogranizer. I would never go on a trip without writing a list first of everything that should be packed in my bag. Not to mention my extreeme use of post-it notes for a good overview over things. Bottom line, I plan and I organize. I like to know exactely when I have spare time, and you’ll find that my calendar already have things noted for last weekend of June.

So what does one do then, when one can only plan small events whilst life’s great issues remain undecided and out of my control!? I can’t plan my future, .. small future events, yes, but my future prospects I don’t know. When people ask me what I will work with, where my eduacation will take me, I casually answer that education is creating that path and one can’t possibly know where it is taking me before I am at is end. This fact, and casually thrown phrase is however petrifying! Where will I go, what will I be!?!

I think I might be on the verge of an exsistential crisis. However organised I am, however much I keep fooling myself into believing that I am in control, that I am the master of my own life, the fact is I am far from it.

Love remains undefined and out of my hands, I have left it up to someone else. (who this is, I can’t say, I’m just crossing my fingers and hoping that some greater power of some kind will take responsibility for my future wellbeing.) I am in no position to take these kind of lifedetermening descisions on my own.

Meanwhile, I guess I’ll just take one day at the time, trying not to plan the big things by keeping myself occupied with my dayplanner…